Saturday, October 30, 2010

Fears into adulthood

Yesterday's post got me thinking about parenting fears. Whether you experience pregnancy fears, fears that God might think you can handle more than you think possible; or, pre-pregnancy fears, worrying you might not have enough money, be too selfish to raise a child, etc; early childhood fears, like my son eating a cashew and going into anaphylactic shock; or even thinking about them becoming adult fears, fears that you're raising them to be adults and how they will turn out, if you're doing everything right, etc. If you're one of the fortunate that never feared anything, kudos. But I think the majority of us will see that at some point fear will creep in.

Besides the obvious fear I have about my son stopping breathing, I am afraid I am screwing my kids up. I am afraid I am giving them too much, or maybe it's not enough? I am afraid that I send my children to time out too often and they will grow up resenting me for it. I am afraid that I am not consistent enough. I am afraid that I will raise hooligans. I am afraid that my eldest will be picked on if he, as a male, is unable to participate in sports due to his allergies (not determined yet). I'm afraid...

Enter my husband. He is the definition of don't sweat the small stuff. Something I love and hate at the same time ;)  He reminds me that I can't control many things so it's best to let it go. How can you not worry about that? I might ask him. He replies that it isn't important; we're doing our best. Okay, you're right, but ugh, that isn't what I wanted to hear.

My kids need me to be warriors for them. I'm not talking about shield and sword in a literal sense, though if it ever came to that you bet I would be at the front line to protect them. Rather, I am talking about a prayer warrior. Because let's be honest, there is only so much I can control.

In my prayer life I pray that my kids will grow up to men of God. I pray my sons are able to learn how to have healthy relationships with girls. I pray every day that all of their relationships (both girls and guys) will be positive ones, and if they're not, that there is something they can learn from them. I pray they won't do anything they may later regret. I pray they will stay pure until marriage. I pray they won't be gay or gothic. I pray they won't have severe learning disorders or severe mental health disorders. I pray they won't get trapped in any addictions. And I pray God will guide me (and my husband) as their example. I pray that we're encouraging them in positive directions. And I pray for peace because above all else I want my kids to know that I love them. I will always love them. I never want them to think that I will love them any less because of a failed relationship. I will never love them any less if they slip up in a relationship, or if they do anything they later regret. I will certainly not love them any less if they are gothic, have a learning disability, are gay, or a severe mental disorder, or if they get trapped in an addiction. And I pray that I am never so closed minded that they would feel uncomfortable being honest with me.

Because no matter how my sons turn out, I hope they always know one thing. I love them. I. will. always. love. them. NO. MATTER. WHAT.

Readers: What's on your heart today? How are you raising your children to adults? What are your adulthood fears?


  1. This is such a beautiful post!!
    I'm following you on GFC. Talk soon :)

  2. *wiping tears from my eyes*

    Greta, you said it all so very well. I too have a husband who is chill and relaxed, reassuring me about my parenting fears, always telling me that God has these two little guys in the palm of His hand. Parenting is one scary adventure, but it's amazing at the same time. A conundrum of emotions. A mysterious recipe of love, discipline and laughter...hoping we are baking them at the right temperature to produce Godly men...strong men...happy ready to face whatever the world throws at them.

    Your post reminds me always hit my knees :) Thank you for putting into words exactly what my heart says every day!

  3. Ana--now it's my turn to wipe tears from my eyes...I love your recipe analogy! Very eloquently put!!

  4. I love your post! Very well said, Greta. My daughter is only a few months old and like you, I couldn't stop worrying about how she will turn out to be and If I am doing things right. But you know what, we can only do so much. As moms, we just have to do our best and trust the rest to Him... It's all in His plans. :)

  5. I could have written this, I feel the same way! I have so many fears. But I too vow to love my children no matter what!

    On a lighter note, happy Halloween! Have a great weekend!

  6. Love this post and so true Greta. I can't imagine a mom without fear. A natural response God gives us to remind us to put our faith in him, our trust in him, that he truly is in control. Easy to say right:) One thing I do...try to do, is as soon as that fear or thought enters my mind, I try to stop right there, freeze it, think of a scripture to change that fear into peace. This is why memorizing scripture is so big (I am telling myself this right now as I write this because I know, but not always do) so when we feel these feelings of fear, insecurity, worry, we can grab onto truth that God has written on our hearts. With that said, I know without a doubt that YOU are an amazing mommy who has the most beautiful boys with such beautiful hearts. This is a reminder to me to practice what I have said here, knowing how helpful it can be but so hard to do when that fear creeps up on us and takes laps around our thoughts before we can even realize it. So thankful for you Greta and you are touching so many women each day by your willingness to be true and transparent. Love you!

  7. So true!!! I have gripping moments of just fear for their safety (kidnappings, falls, burns, car accidents... there is all sorts of things my imagination comes up with), but I know I just have to pray and leave it all in God's hands.

    Great post.. Thanks for stopping by my blog today! I'm your newest follower :)

  8. Greta!!! Wow...I am very touched with your post! I love when I find fellow Bloggers that put their Faith out there for all to sweet Melanie above me! LOVE her! I will be becoming your newest follower..thank you for coming by mine...and the sweet compliments...Thanks to Melanie bringing what I wanted to life...I Love your "Lay it out there" blog! I think you have stepped up to the plate and said what many of us feel as well...
    Have a Blessed day!

  9. Well said. Wow, you are a great parent. With your "no matter what" saying...I think you have nothing to fear and we should all be so lucky as to follow YOUR example as a parent.