Question and Answer con...

Wondering what this post is all about? See my post yesterday to find out who all these people are and what we're talking about :)

4. When did you know your kid(s) were ready for small chunks of food and not pureed? 

     Rachele: I just tried a puree a few times, and when that was fine, tried chunks, and that was fine too. If you use small chunks of very soft food that doesn't need to be chewed (such as pears) and you sit right by, it's fine at a younger age than most people think. If you google "baby led weaning" then you'll see some babies are eating small chunks at 6mo. 

     Katie H: For starters Hudson ate like a rockstar from the beginning. He was eating me out of house and home so I started making my own baby food because of the variety, it's more healthy, and it's WAY cheaper. I started pureeing everything. Then I started giving him things like banana pieces, bread, etc. I did notice that he crammed everything in his mouth that was on his tray so I knew he couldn't handle too big of bites or two many because he would choke. He was always choking! I guess it's a trial and error thing. I also noticed he was interested in what we were eating so I would let him try things to get a variety.

     Nikki: It's got to be that pincer grasp thing. If the kid can pick up a Cheerio 9 times out of 10, then he's probably ready to eat it. Also, teeth, they're a pretty good sign. But every kid is different, so I start small and mushy (banana chunks are good) and if we don't gag, maybe we'll try something bigger or chewier.

     Calah: I think I started giving Bryton more chunkier stuff (i.e. little pieces of banana, strawberry, softer foods) around 7 months maybe? That's a big question mark. :) I generally just judge by if they seem to be learning what it means to bite and if they can mush it around in their mouth then keep it coming. The more they can do it the better. Also, a good judge for me was when Bryton started picking stuff up cause then I knew he could pick up little pieces of food.

     Greta: We started mushy foods (pieces of banana, avocado, puffs, etc.) around 7 months. I would only put a couple of things on the tray at one time. We started other food once the grasping, gagging was better. I think around 9 or 10 months? Small pieces of turkey, chicken, other fruit pieces, cheerios. 

5. How do you juggle having more than one child? Especially when it comes to having a newborn (feedings take forever, up all night, etc.) 

     Rachele: Lots of help from other people. Lots of slow cooker meals. A very very helpful husband shouldering much of the load. Relaxing the rules on letting the older kid watch TV. Enrolling the older child in independent activities to give the younger kid some space and peace for sleeping. Getting babysitting for the younger baby so I can get one-on-one time to focus on the older kid. (We have a babysitting swap setup with friends, so it's free for us most of the time. I highly recommend setting up babysitting swaps if possible.)      

     Nikki: Never say no to help. Ever. Unless it's that creepy guy down the street who doesn't shower much. Really, if someone offers to pick up groceries or bring a meal or fold laundry or walk your newborn around the block in a stroller, just say yes. Go sleep, eat, veg, shower, or read a tabloid magazine. Remember, Just Say Yes to Help.

     Calah:  It is definitely a juggling act with 3 kids! Greyson is bottle fed, which makes it easier on everyone I think. It's all about your other kids learning to have patience.  I would highly recommend to anyone, unless it's an emergency like they are gonna pee their pants or got a bad owie, that you tell them it can wait till you are done feeding little brother or sister, and don't get up till the baby is done eating. 

Make your older ones as independent as possible. I keep simple snacks like graham crackers, goldfish, in a cupboard down low so Bryton can get himself a snack if that is what he wants and I can't get it for him at the moment.

     Greta: See my post here about what I did while I was nursing a newborn with a 2 year old running around. Otherwise, ACCEPT HELP! Fortunately, my youngest was a SUPER easy (understatement) baby; we had our more difficult one first. One thing I wish I had done was continue to send our older son to his grandparents house 3 mornings a week so I could have alone/quality time with the baby. I would suggest that if you have that sort of system in place (or daycare, preschool, or whatever) keep having the older ones go (if you can afford it ) even just a couple mornings a week even though you're home. 

Question and Answer Friday

This is your chance to email, facebook, or comment questions. I'll pick some parents to help me out with giving some different answers. I had so many great questions/responses that I'm breaking them in to 2 days...check back tomorrow for: When did you know your baby was ready to switch from pureed food to small chunks? How do you juggle having more than one child, especially when you have a newborn (not sleeping through the night, feeding all the time, etc.)

First, a little bio on the Mamas featured: 


Rachele; mom to an adorable 3 1/2 year old girl and a sweet 1 year old boy. She's the author of Rhubarb Jam.
Katie H; mom to Hudson, a handsome 18 month old boy.
Katie B; featured the other day as a Transparent Moment. Mom to a beautiful 6 month old little girl. She's the author of Being the Browns.
Nikki; a brave mama with 4 kids; a 5 year old girl, twin 3 year old girls, and a 1 year old boy. Crazy? Maybe. But oh so cute (and I may or may not be envious!) She's the author of Ninja Mom.
Calah; Mom to 3 handsome boys. Trey is 6, Bryton just turned 2, and Greyson is almost 4 months old. 
Yours truly;  Mama to two cute little boys; an almost 4 year old, and an almost 2 year old. And author of this here blog :)

1. Did you teach your kid(s) sign language? If so, at what age did you begin and how many signs? What were the easiest signs for you to teach/them to pick up? If not, why not? 

    Rachele: Yes. With our daughter we started about 9mo, with our son closer to 12mo. We taught over 100 signs to our daughter. We were much more consistent with her so with son, he has learned only perhaps a dozen and is far from consistent with them. We got a lot of help from using the Signing Times series on DVD (taken from their old TV episodes). Easiest signs are: milk, eat, water.

     Katie H:  I taught our son, Hudson, to sign around 6 months or so when he started eating solids. I wanted to teach him how to ask for more without whining or slapping his hands on the tray. I taught him more, milk, food, please, thank you, drink, all done, and change. I bought a great book called Baby Signing 123. I took sign language as a foreign language in college and I currently teach sign in my KG classroom so I am very comfortable with it. Hudson caught on but didn't sign right away. He new what I was saying but he just watched. A month or so later he started copying all the signs. He is VERY verbal so I've quit signing as much because he wants to learn the words. Sometimes I say the word and do the signs.
     Katie B: My daughter is 6 months old. I am just beginning to start to teach her sign language. We are beginning with one sign as of of now and hope to work up to about 5 signs.
     Nikki: I taught my first born baby signs using the Baby Signs book. We began around 6 months, the same time that she started table food. I found that meal time was an opportunity to sit with her (helpfully captive in her high chair) and work on the signs. We probably got up to somewhere around 25 to 40 signs. It was a fantastic language builder. I've used signs with all of my kids (she has 4!) to some degree or another. And, because we use them only casually around the house, not in conjunction with a caregiver, I've felt free to invent signs that work best for us.
     Calah: I didn't teach my kids sign language. By my own choice I preferred to just teach them to say it than to sign it first. I think though in some cases my kids were the exception cause Trey and Bryton both verbally communicated fairly early for boys. So, when they started showing verbal communication skills I just ran with it.
     Greta: We attempted sign language with our first. We started at about 8 months. I taught him all done, more, and eat. I was afraid to teach him too much more because I had been reading at the time that it can delay speech. We weren't consistent and he became more interested in speaking so we just gave up. Our second we attempted all done but he would just do the sign on his tray resulting in everything getting smashed around his plate or ending up on the floor. He's been a really late talker (and is frustrated by it) so the whole "delayed speech" because of signing is thrown out the window--he would have been one to really benefit from signing.


2. What did you do to reduce/prevent stranger anxiety?

    Rachele: With both kids, I started using gym daycare 2-3x a week when they were about 4 or 5mo. Dropoff and pickup all within an hour. I think it helped some, but that said, every kid goes through stranger anxiety and it seems to hit somewhere between 9mo and 15mo. They get over it but it will still happen in phases, I think! 

     Katie H: I don't know if I've crossed this yet. I think me working has helped him to not be afraid of other people. When Hudson was a baby, we had a nanny and my mom watch him. Now he goes to daycare 3 mornings a week which has helped him be comfortable with other people. I would just say socialization in general; from swim lessons to library "lap sit" time, etc.
     Katie B: The fear of strangers may still come in time, but I let friends and family hold her whenever they want so she gets used to being with others. She interacts with strangers at the store or out and about and I let her do so.
     Nikki: I encourage the kids to wave and say hi and the like when we are together in public places. As they've aged we quietly instituted a policy that it's okay, even expected, to engage with strangers when Mom and Dad are around. The best place to practice this? The grocery store. Lots of people to interact with, but baby (or toddler) feels safe in her seat in the shopping cart.
     Calah: I feel that with Trey he has this sort of hesitation with strangers. I don't know if I instilled that in him or if that was sort of an in born thing. We have worked on it, and he is much, much better now. I have just taught him that it is not a problem if someone says hi to say hi back but only if he feels comfortable with it. I don't force it too much cause I'd rather my kids be overly cautious in this area than too friendly and trust any and everyone I guess.
     Greta: With our oldest we were consistent with was taking him to the church nursery which I think helped a lot. He was never really too shy and didn't really go through stranger anxiety until the beginning of this year when we started him in a preschool. With Kai we had taken a break from going to church because every time we did the kids would get sick. Now he's (whether a result of not going or not) fearful of strangers (and even our parents for awhile) and it's something we're still battling with. We try to make leaving a game. We blow kisses, catch them in the air, and smack them on our cheeks. So far it's been working (at least with our parents)...the true test will be leaving him with a stranger.

3. Do you use the same bedtime routine at night as you do during the day for naps?

     Rachele: No. Nap (routine takes 10-15min) is a very abbreviated version of bedtime, which much longer (routine takes 30-45min). I have heard several times that napping and sleeping are learned in different parts of the brain, and I have heard a lot of moms swear this is true, so I don't put much stock in napping routines or skill translating to bedtime, or vice versa.

     Katie H: I followed the Babywise book which is all about a schedule. I love that thing! For Hudson he would eat, play, sleep, repeat. I started stretching his feeds to eventually every 4 hours and then followed a routine. He knew what was happening and what was expected. For bedtime, we do a bath (almost every night...no in the summer:( ), Bible story, prayers, and then put him in his crib. He loves his naps/or nighttime sleep! I usually use this phrase when getting ready for a nap or going to bed "Do you want to go see dog and bearie?" He usually says "Yah" Then I say "Lets go get in your crib" and he almost always squeals with excitement.
     Katie B: Our nighttime routine is its own thing. I don't have much of a routine for naps besides zipping her in her sleep sack and giving her a little "shhhh" in her ear for a minute before laying her down. But I guess for both nap and nighttime, she does go in her sleep sack, we turn on the fan, we lay her down and give her a blankie to cuddle. But for nighttime there are many more steps (naked time, bath, lotion, feeding, story, etc)

     Nikki: We have the same routine for daytime sleep as we do for nighttime sleep. Except, we add a prayer at night.

     Calah: I don't always use the same routine for nap times as I do for night. The simpler you can keep it the better, especially if you have more than one kiddo.    

     Greta: Now we don't but it was sort of similar when they were each babies until about 14 months. Bedtime was just a longer version. For both we would read a story, close the blinds, give special blankies and turn on the fan. With bedtime we would do a bath...every night, then follow nap time routine, but I'd also sing songs and say prayers as they lay there in the dark. 


Readers: I know this is a lot of text, but what do you think? Should I continue it as a weekly or bi-monthly addition to the blog? Do you find it helpful? Next week I have some questions about "How did you know you were ready for a baby?" "What is the best/hardest part about pregnancy?", etc. Anyone want to help answer a few?

Expecting (or wanting) another baby? This one's for you!

Nursing is one of the best decisions I made. No, this is not a post trying to talk you in to nursing...your decision is your decision. In fact, I didn't always love nursing. Initially it was a struggle for me with our first son. It took several weeks for me to actually enjoy it. Blame it on a bad latch, inexperience, or postpartum depression, the fact of the matter was, it hurt. Every day my mantra was "just one more day. You can do it just one more day." My nipples were cracked, bleeding, and so painful. I would wince in pain every time I thought of nursing and hold my breath for the first 10 seconds he would latch on. I used every cream and every pad available. My son would nurse every 2 hours for an hour. Yes, one hour. Finally, several weeks later, the pain went away. Once it went away it became my most favorite times of the day; a time that only I got to hold the baby. A time where he and I could make a connection that no one else would have.In fact, one of my most favorite memories is when he pulled off just to look up at me and smile.

When I was pregnant with our second son I was concerned that I wouldn't have a chance to make that same connection with the  new baby because I would have my attention divided. I had visions of my older son getting jealous that I was spending so much time with the new baby. And how was I possibly going to keep my boob on one and my eye on the other? Enter The Nursing Box.

Sorry for the crappy picture.

The Nursing Box (or whatever you decide to call yours) is something my mother in law used with her kids and I thought it sounded fantastic. It's a large box, or Rubbermaid, that you fill with all kinds of toys, games, books, movies, etc; anything that your older child/children will find entertaining while you nurse or feed your baby. This means you have entertainment at your feet for your older child(ren) and you can get quality time with your new baby.

I would suggest setting up a blanket on the floor by where you'll be nursing and establishing the following Nursing Box rules:

1. Have your child stay on the blanket (or designated area of your choosing) while the Nursing Box is out.
2. Only let your child play in the Nursing Box while Mommy is nursing (or bottling baby if you chose not to nurse). As soon as you're done, the box, and all the items inside, goes away until next time. There may be a few tears the first few times items are put away, but they will figure it out eventually. My older son actually looked forward to "nursing time. "

My friends put one together for me for my baby shower...what a neat gift to give a mommy having a subsequent pregnancy!

Budget Savvy Mommies--A great place to go to fill your box is the dollar store. Or, hit up some garage sales pre-baby (because let's be honest, once you  have your first, you no longer care about having all things new...used is just fine). Black Friday is another great day to score some deals on movies, games and toys!

Readers--How do you entertain older children while nursing/feeding a new baby?

Pack your bags, she's having the baby!

A friend of mine asked what I packed in my hospital bags when it came close to time to deliver my babies. Hopefully this helps someone else out too :)

For Baby:

1. Car seat. Obviously you can't leave the hospital without it. Yet, it's amazing how many people forget to install that sucker before they head to the hospital.

2. Going home outfit. Yes, cutsie them up...we want to see pictures!

3. Binky (if you plan to use one). The hospital around here no longer provides them.

4. A cute hat. The one the hospital provided was, well, not cute.

5. Cozy receiving/swaddling blanket. The one the hospital provided was not soft.

--What the hospital did provide: diapers, cloths you wet to use as wipes, a nose/throat sucker thingy (I have no idea what those are called), alcohol wipes for umbilical cord, pretty much anything else you can think of for baby--

For Mommy's Labor Bag (I would highly suggest a labor bag and a post-baby bag)

1. Birth plan. Are you wanting a water birth? Drug free? Epidural? Who do you want in the room for delivery? Are you going to listen to music? Do you want it completely silent? Etc. Write it down, give it to the nurse when you get to the hospital.

2. An open mind. Huh? See #1? Yea, that goes out the window if there is anything wrong with you or baby. Planned on doing it drug free but your child was 9 1/2 lbs and you ended up getting an epidural after 16 hours of pitocin induced labor? Yea, me too. Or how about your child was 9 1/2 lbs and you ended up having to have a c-section. Yup, plans change.

3. Chapstick.

4. Camera!!! Assign someone duty beforehand of taking pictures if you are going to have the birth documented. You'll still want your camera though for all the middle of the night pictures :)

5. Bathrobe. You'll want something to cover your fanny if you end up walking the halls. Plus, your body temperature will rise and fall throughout labor...you'll want something easy to take on/off.

6. Slippers (or socks). See #5.

7. Books, magazines, movies, playing cards, etc. Something to pass time if you get an epidural or even just to take your mind off the contractions if you don't.

8. Something to hold your hair back.

9. Lotion or massage oil. Just make sure you can stand the smell of it.
10. Glasses. If you end up having a c-section (and some hospitals require it regardless) you'll need to take your contacts out. 

For Mommy's Post-Baby Bag (leave post-baby bag in the car until...you guessed it...post baby)

1. Toiletries. Most important is toothbrush and contact stuff. I think our hospital supplies travel sized shampoos and soap.

2. Makeup. You may decide you don't want to bother. However, with my 2nd I just felt so much better about the huge belly I was still sporting after I put some mascara on.

3. Maternity clothes to wear home from the hospital...if you're like me. And if you're like my friend that didn't even look like she had a baby, well, please excuse me while I briefly hate you.

4. Nursing bra or tank.

5. Jammies. If you don't want to wear the hospital gown you'll want to bring jammies that have easy access to down below as well as open in the front on the top if you're planning to breastfeed. Don't bring your favorite jammies because they may get ruined. 

--What the hospital did provide: mesh undies (so you may want to bring your own loose cotton undies that you don't care about throwing away), a water bottle (but if you're partial to your own bring it), pads galore, ice packs, ours even provided some shampoo, meals were all included for mommy at our hospital except from 12 am to 6 am--

For Daddy's Bag (don't forget to pack for Daddy too!)

1. Toiletries. 

2. Money to buy food. At least at our hospital the food for Daddy costs extra. Bring some change too in case you need a late-night-cafeteria-is-closed vending machine run.

3. Pillow. Even dad's need their rest. Make sure hospital provides a blanket!

4. Something to wear to bed. You'll be up and down a lot in the middle of the night so you don't necessarily want to just wear your boxer briefs. Or maybe you do. Heck, your wife just showed the world her goods.

5. Make sure your wife grabbed the camera!

6. All the phone numbers for people you'll want to notify. 

7. Snacks. See #2

Pack light. Try to keep everything in one backpack for labor and one backpack for post-labor. After all, the only thing you really need to have there is YOU and a car seat. 

Readers: Do you have anything to add to the list? 

Transparent Moment--Postpartum Depression

When you're pregnant your Doctor may speak of Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression. Baby Blues affect 70% of women following birth. Most women will admit to being weepy after having baby, or being emotional. Postpartum depression affects 10% of women after birth. Strangely, you don't hear much from those 10 percent. Oh sure, you hear it referenced when you're pregnant, usually by your doctor, or there have been some celebrities that have shed some light on it, but more often than not it gets dismissed as it will never happen to me. 

Exactly my words; it will never happen to me. I had always wanted to be a mommy. When I was 10 I got my first babysitting job. I then spent the next 14 years in childcare in some fashion; babysitter, daycare, nanny. I was pretty darn good; I usually had a waiting list for Friday nights, and had families offer to pay more just to ensure I would remain theirs. I knew how to hold, clothe, bathe, rock, burp, sing to, and cuddle babies. I had been on trips with families as a nanny and I had stayed days at a time with families as a nanny. Calm a screaming baby? You got it. Change the nastiest of all nasties? Done. So, you can see why I thought I would I would be a natural pro at motherhood and handle it with ease and grace.

I was not prepared for the sledge hammer that hit me over the head after my first son was born.

I understand why not very many people talk about it.  No one wants to admit wanting nothing to do with their brand new baby. No one wants to admit they were filled with regret. No one wants to admit spending days crying, laying on a bed in complete exhaustion wondering if they made a mistake. Having a brand new baby at home is supposed to be incredible. You're supposed to be filling out birth announcements, swooning over your baby, and taking picture after picture (I think I took 2 pictures in the first 5 weeks.)

Leading up to and immediately following the birth of our son we were in the middle of chaos. As is my style, I had taken on too much. My husband was remodeling our house so we were living with my parents and brother; 5 adults, 4 dogs, and a brand new baby all in their house (not having a place to nest was hard but figuring out nursing with my step dad and brother over my shoulder was harder). My sister-in-law was getting married 4 days later and I was devastated that I couldn't appropriately be a part of her wedding (We missed the rehearsal because we were back at the pediatrician's office getting our son's infection looked at. I wasn't able to help with any of the setup or other matron of honory things. I was so exhausted after the ceremony that I had to duck out of the reception early.). Christmas was a week after his birth.  I didn't have a network of mommy friends; I knew very few moms my age and wasn't very close with the ones I did know. And, I went from having a lot of attention when I was pregnant to feeling very alone, very isolated afterwords.

(A very rare sight...8 days old)

In addition to all the events that were going on, I was afraid to ask for help. I thought I should be able to handle it all myself; I thought I should be able to cook, clean, take care of our son, be a great wife, and nurse every 2 hours for an hour (yes, that is really how long it would take him and if I didn't oblige, he would be screaming 20 minutes later), be a great sister in law, and hand make all our Christmas gifts. Boy was I wrong. I was frustrated that I wasn't doing it all. My mom was cooking the meals and cleaning while we lived there, I was hardly taking care of our son, I was trying my hardest to please everyone, and I felt like I was failing...miserably.

The tears flowed about as often as my milk. I felt like I was being weighed down by a boulder; like I was being crushed. I longed for a connection with our son and was upset with myself that I didn't feel one. And to top it all off, our son didn't sleep. I would always get angry (read: extremely pissed) when someone would say sleep when your baby sleeps. Well, that's great for someone that easily takes naps and has a baby that sleeps for more than 30 minutes at a time. You could literally set the timer for 30 minutes and my son would be up. Nothing, no amount of nannying or childcare, could have prepared me for that level of exhaustion. (God blessed us when we had our second, a sleeper, that slept for 20 hours a day.)

(That's more like it)

Luckily, my depression only lasted for about 6 weeks. The. Longest. Six. Weeks. Of. My. Life. However, for some moms this lasts months. Luckily, I never wanted to hurt my child. Some moms with severe postpartum depression do. I thought what I was experiencing was just the baby blues; I didn't realize how depressed I was though until I got out of it.

I don't know what happened but one day I just woke up and felt better. Was he sleeping better? No. Was I sleeping better? Not really. Could it have been that we were finally settled in to our own place? Maybe. Could it have been that the chaos had subsided? Maybe. Whatever it was, the cloud lifted. I immediately felt the connection with my son that I so longed for...like he and I were meant to be. Did I cry still? Sure. I still do. But for entirely different reasons. And that's okay. I'm a mom. 

And for the record, I may have known how to take care of a baby based off of all my experience nannying and I may have felt like I loved those kids I nannied for like they were my own, but nothing prepared me for the love of being a parent (after the postpartum depression lifted).

I will be doing a follow-up to this post with tips and tricks to hopefully ward off postpartum depression. Transparent moments are hard to write, it's difficult wearing my heart on my sleeve, having it be laid out there for better or worse. But hopefully you're getting something out of them. 


© Transparencies of Motherhood 2010