Transparent Moment--The dreaded will

There it sits.

Staring at me. Mocking me.

Is it that I'm lazy? No, that's definitely not it.

Is it that I don't have the time? That could be true, but time can always be made for such important things...especially when I'm not even writing many blog posts.

So why haven't we done a will, especially in the past 4 years of having kids?

For awhile we were able to use the excuse that it was too expensive to draw up a will. I mean who could afford thousands of dollars in lawyer fees to get a proper one done? As wonderful and needed as a will sounded, we just didn't have that kind of money.

Then, I found this at Costco...

You can buy one too here

Ugh. There goes that excuse. This one was on sale for $30.

Another excuse we've used is we'd like to have life insurance in place first but we don't have the extra $50/mo for that...yet someone we always manage to scrounge up enough for coffees and other luxuries. Not to mention, now that I have the software from Costco I could recreate the will when we finally do get life insurance.

So again, now that my excuses have been wiped away, I pose the question: Why haven't we done a will?

Truth: I am afraid of admitting what a will means. No, I am not afraid of dying. Rather, I am afraid of admitting that something could happen to my husband and I leaving our children. Alone.

Our children. The ones we would do anything for. The ones that we are neglecting with our negligence. Our children; the biggest part and only reason we have to do a will. The thought that we might not be the ones there for every moment of their lives makes my head hurt. Admitting that they may grow up not knowing their mommy and daddy makes my heart hurt. Tears fall at the thought. So instead, I've suppressed those thoughts and tuck the software in a back drawer far from mocking and even farther from sight.

And we've already done the hard part. We know if something happens to us our kids will be left in good hands. No, great hands. Hands that will love both of our boys as their very own. Hands that will firmly set boundaries, yet allow them to become unique in their own ways. Hands that will embrace their personalities and help them flourish. Hands that we love, adore, and respect deeply. Hands that will allow and encourage them to remember us if we're gone. Hands that will look out for their best interests, raise them with the same morals, and grow in a relationship with Christ. Hands, though not ours, that will be the next best thing.

God only You know our future. Please grant us peace and strength to complete this ever important task...for our children.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 'Philippeans 4:13'

Readers: It can be scary to admit we aren't the ones in control. We don't have control over when we live and when we die. It's been written in His book since He knit us in the womb...only God truly knows. But if we live each day in fear, think of all we'd miss out on! And yet, as I'm realizing, it's so important to make sure you have everything lined up for the 'just in case' times. Do you have your will complete? What did you use to complete it? Lawyer? Software? Something else entirely?

Question and Answer Friday

This is your chance to email, facebook, or comment questions. I'll pick some parents to help me out with giving some different answers. And hopefully you readers will comment with some of your responses too!

First, a little bio on the Mamas featured: 


Chelsea--Mom to a handsome 1 year old with the most beautiful blue eyes ever--he also happens to be my nephew. 
Eileen--Mom to three gorgeous girls, 14, 11, and 9. 
Yours Truly--Mama to 2 cute little boys, almost 4 and almost 2, and author of this here blog :)
Anonymous--Mom to a 4 year old girl, a 3 year old boy, and one on the way, with a loving husband of 7 years.

1. How did you know you were ready for a baby? (Did you feel like you had everything in order? Was baby a surprise? Did you feel you were monetarily ready? etc)
     Chelsea--I had no idea I was ready for a baby even on the day Isak was born. I don't think anything can prepare you for the moment you become a parent. Although Isak was very much a surprise we had everything in order from finances to neatly folded baby clothes in the dresser months before his due date. Yet, I still didn't feel "ready" until the moment I held him on my chest. It was then that I knew I was ready.

     Eileen--I had trouble getting pregnant due to Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I was married for 8 years before I finally got pregnant, so Eric and I had plenty of time alone together and we were very ready for children. The Lord worked everything out; we were out of debt for several months before I got pregnant, which was both a surprise and a miracle!
     Yours Truly--Our first was a surprise. We knew it would happen sooner than we were planning, but weren't expecting it to be that soon. We didn't think we were anywhere near ready; my husband had gone back to school, we weren't financially sound, etc. But God works in wonderful ways. I am so, so thankful for our little surprise--it saved us months of wondering if this was our month. And the money? God has his ways of working that out too!
     Anonymous--We didn't plan our first three pregnancies but were thrilled nonetheless. My hubby never felt quite ready monetarily, but if we waited for him, we would be childless. My philosophy is to be prudent but also that we'd make it work-because you'd have to!

2. What was your greatest fear about parenthood? How is it now that you're actually a parent?

     Chelsea--My greatest fear was about how we would deal with the dramatic change in lifestyle. However, now that I’m a mom I couldn’t imagine doing anything else with my time. What used to seem important now pales in comparison.
     Eileen--I had no fear with my first one, but I remember wondering how I could love another child as much as my first when I got pregnant the second time. Turns out that was easy!
     Yours Truly--I was afraid of miscarrying our first. Other than that I didn't really have any fears with our first which was why I was so taken aback by the postpartum depression I experienced. Just like Eileen, with our second, I was concerned about not loving the second one as much as the first and also about how the new baby would affect my older son. Now that I have both...it's amazing how your heart expands and you truly do have room to love each child equally! I even think there might be more room in there ;) And...my older son is no worse for the wear. In fact, he has a built in best friend (with an occasional built in punching bag).
     Anonymous--Giving birth to a mentally handicapped or Down Syndrome child.

3. What were you most looking forward to about parenthood? How is it now that you're actually a parent?
     Chelsea--I couldn’t wait to hear Isak say 'momma' or to reach up with arms out to be picked up, and now that I get to experience it, it is so much better than I imagined.

     Eileen--I most looked forward to just being a mom - loving and nurturing a child.
     Yours Truly--What was I not looking forward to? I was looking forward to the first time I saw them, held them, breathed them, the first smile, giggle, true belly laugh, the first time they sat up, said Mama, reached up, the first attempt at rolling over, crawling, the first step, the first time they said I Love You Mommy, I looked forward to hugs, kisses, and all the learning they would experience. I looked forward to experiencing everything with them as they experienced it for the first time. And after knowing what to fully expect, I was that much more excited with our second. I LOVE being a Mommy.
     Anonymous--Family activities when my kids were old enough to talk and play; family meals full of conversation, family game nights, family picnics, baseball, etc. It's wonderful! Now, we just have to fight for quality time together and plan quality activities...or it won't happen!

4. What would you tell someone that is weighing the option of having a baby or not?

     Chelsea--I guess I would encourage anyone who has a stable home and is willing to give all his or her time and energy to a child to go for it. They bring more joy than anything else possibly could. We were definitely not planning on starting a family when we did, but God has a way of redirecting our plans for the better. There is much to consider when starting a family…how to pay for things, who will care for the child during the day…the list goes on, but in my experience and opinion love for your child will find a way to overcome the obstacles.
     Eileen--I think the marriage should be strong with as few stressors as possible. That said, I think if a person has the capacity to be nurturing and self-sacrificing then they should consider parenting. Counseling would definitely help (of course I would say that!).
     Yours Truly--See #3 above ;) Or see this. Being a parent is such a blessing, but I would be doing a disservice (and if you've read any other posts on this blog you'd know this already) if I didn't admit that parenting is hard. I wouldn't trade it for anything though.
     Anonymous--Please be married because it is sooo exhausting and hard to rear a child. I couldn't imagine not having a dedicated spouse to help share the load. My heart goes out to single mothers especially. But children are such a blessing! If you're going to have one; sacrifice so that you are the one rearing your child and not some other caretaker. Spend all the time you can cherishing your child because it goes quickly and then they are an adult and you want to be in their lives and have a good relationship to save so much heatache later.

Readers: Your turn to weight in. How would you answer those 4 questions?!