Preschool Series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow: breaking down things to think about

Welcome back to the series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow. If you're just joining us, I encourage you to visit the prelude and introduction. Today I'm breaking down some of the things I suggested you think about when choosing a preschool and explaining why these are important, especially if you have a child with a life threatening food allergy. You may think the first few items I suggested you think about yesterday seem to be no brainers, and it's true, a couple of the them are...

• Age---how old do you want your child to be upon entrance of preschool? Many preschools operate for children from 3 to 5 years old. Some operate for those as young as 2, but in my opinion this seems more like daycare. Some preschools break each age group out...so all the 3 year olds are together, all the 4 year olds are together, etc., while some preschools lump them all in one. Some are even more specific than that; they break them in to every 6 months so all the 3 year olds are together, all the 3 1/2 year olds are together, etc. I knew I wanted my son to have exposure to kids his same age (socialization was the main reason we opted to send him to preschool at 3 anyway) so either breaking it out by year or every 6 months was our top choice.
• Cost---how much can you afford to pay? This may narrow down your search simply based on how much is too much. Keep in mind that some preschools will offer a discount if you pay for the year in advance (another great reason to start thinking about preschool early...you can save!). Some preschools offer a multiple sibling discount, and others decrease the cost based on the number of days your child attends. Keep in mind too to look in to Flex Spending through the workplace! Or, write it off at tax time.
• Potty Training---Most preschools require your child is potty trained. However, the level of potty training and assistance varies. At the time we sent my son he was fully potty trained during the day. However, he needed help "cleaning up" if he needed to poo. To this day though, he chooses not to go at preschool.
• Parental Involvement---Some preschools require parents to spend a certain number of hours each month volunteering in the classroom. Others don't allow parent participation at all. And others still are actually groups of parents, called a co-op, that take turns teaching their kids a curriculum they agree on beforehand. So where do you fall? Fortunately, some don't require, but encourage parental involvement.

but there are some of the items that I suggested you think about that may seem like a no brainer, but are in fact CRUCIAL for someone with a life threatening food allergy...

• Hours of Operation---what hours are you looking for? Do you work and you're trying to get specific hours covered? Are you trying to find something that runs all day, or does a half day better suite your needs? Does your child fare better in the afternoon or morning (some offer cheaper rates for afternoon but this doesn't work for everyone, especially if an afternoon rest or quiet time is still involved)? The question of what the hours of operation are is especially important if you have a child with a life threatening food allergy. Are you trying to aviod most meal times for allergy purposes? I knew I didn't want to have a place that served breakfast and lunch even though the hours would have been nice. I just didn't want to deal with that kind of exposure for my son. One of the places I toured even served peanut butter as a bi-weekly staple...and who knows what kind of cross-contamination their knives or even their jelly jars have from being double dipped!
• Location---How far are you willing to travel to bring your child to preschool? This was especially important to us as parents since we could receive the call "your son is having an allergic reaction." We wanted to be able to get there before an ambulance did if, heaven forbid, there was an emergency so we knew we didn't want a preschool across town.

Tomorrow we'll talk about the different types of approaches and philosophies preschools take.

© Transparencies of Motherhood 2011

Preschool Series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow: Introduction

Welcome to the series: Choosing a Preschool; Nut Allergy in Tow. As you saw from yesterday's post, making the decision to send my eldest to preschool was a tough one. It meant sacrificing my control of his allergy to a stanger. It meant that I wouldn't be able to be there to protect him, watch over him, and keep him out of harms way. A life threatening allergy has a way of holding you hostage and I wasn't going to let it. As a working mom I was unable to participate in mom's groups, play groups, or even many of the outings that my friends were going on. If I weren't so concerned about my son's social aspect, I might have kept him home longer, but as it was, he needed some friends. I knew I needed to prayerfully send my son to preschool.

What I didn't know was how difficult choosing a preschool would be...especially finding one that I felt comfortable entrusting with my son's allergy. I had no idea there were so many things to consider.

I always suggest that preschool is something that you should really start thinking about a year before you're intending to start your child.

Over the next few days you can expect the following:

I will break down the importance of determining:
*Cost
*Hours
*Age
*Location
*Potty training
*Parental Involvement

I will explain the different approaches and philosophies preschools take:
*Developmental
*Academic
*Montessori
*Reggio
*Waldorf
*Religious
*Combination

I will share some great questions to ask when interviewing preschools. Oh, you didn't know you should interview them? Me either. But it's extremely important. I'll share some general questions as well as some important questions for those with children with food allergies.

And last but not least I'll go over what to pack in your child's emergency bag that your child will need to take to preschool as well as go over what an Action Plan for allergies is and what it should entail.

I am hopeful that someone will find this beneficial. I am hopeful that someone will be able to take something from this. And if anyone has any other tips, further examples, etc. please leave comments and I'll include them!!

© Transparencies of Motherhood 2011

New series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow--prelude

This is something I posted on my personal family blog a year ago and on this blog back in September. It's a prelude to  the next few days where I'll be sharing with you the process we went through in choosing a preschool for our son (now 4, then 3) and the precautions we took/take with his life threatening food allergies. Hopefully you find something in this series that you're able to take with you: Choosing a Preschool; Nut Allergy in Tow

Daddy: "Kadyn, you must have your mommy's genes."
Kadyn: "No, mommy has her own jeans, they wouldn't fit me. Mine are just right."

Of course, we knew the humor behind the dialog. However, it wasn't until after the conversation that I really stopped to think about what he said. Our eldest, Kadyn, in a way, was right...my genes won't fit him...his are just right. He is his own person, unique and wonderfully made. He may have our "genes" but he also has his own genes that fit perfectly.

According to the pediatrician, Kadyn, is the most severely allergic kid in the clinic right now...and it's a big clinic. Research is proving that allergies seem to be linked to your genes. Although his genes seem a bit too big for him, (anaphylaxis seems so severe for such a little boy), I have to remind myself that God created him. God's eyes saw Kadyn's unformed body. And all the days ordained for him were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). To God, Kadyn's genes have the perfect fit...nothing too big, nothing too small.

Now that Kadyn is 3 I would love to enroll him in a preschool (this was written several months ago and posted on my personal family blog). However, something is holding me back from sending him. Only in the past few days have I realized that it's because I'm scared to hand his life over to someone else...someone that I don't know, and don't trust. Questions flood my mind..."will he eat something he isn't supposed to have?" "Will the staff forget to read the labels on snack foods?" "Will the staff know how to properly administer an epipen?" "Will they know when to and not to give the epipen?" "Will another allergy present itself unknowingly?" (A few weeks ago he had another allergy scare...with walnuts...a nut we thought was on the "safe" list. He complained of his throat feeling funny, then threw up 3 times, then his face got puffy and his nose got so stuffy I couldn't even understand what he was trying to tell me when he spoke...scary.) It's frustrating as a parent knowing that these "genes" most probably came from me/us. However, as his jeans continue to get bigger, and he, older, I realize I need to keep things in perspective. God created him, God will protect him, God has a plan for him. That doesn't mean that I won't be prayerful the entire time, that doesn't mean that I won't ask 100 thousand questions of each preschool I interview to make sure I'm sending him to a safe one, but it does mean that it's time to let go. God is in control.

Kadyn, you are right, your genes are perfect little man. I thank God that he chose YOU for us and I can't wait to further watch as your "jeans" continue to grow.

Trying on a pair of mommy's jeans

Transparent Parents--it can be hard to relinquish control to someone else, can't it? After all, we would die for our kids, but would someone else? Whether your fear for your kids is allergies, shyness, a handicap, inability to hear, to see, or something else entirely, and whether your preschool is actually preschool, or daycare, or grade school, a new babysitter, high school...or college, it's important to acknowledge that your fear is real. It's your truth. It can be scary that first go around. It can be scary to even admit out loud. But go ahead...we're all about being transparent on this blog! What is your truth?

 © Transparencies of Motherhood 2010. 2011

You remember WHAT?!

You may look at that picture at first and think--what the heck is that?

Well, that's exactly what I thought at first. However, my four year old had it nailed the other night when we were in the middle of our toy rotation.

"Mommy, what is this?" He asked, holding up the object pictured above.

"Oh, I remember." He replied in response to his own question before I could even look up to get a clear picture of what he was referring to.

"This is that thing that goes above my bed and made me dizzy when I was a baby."

This is the same child that just a few weeks ago announced to me that he when he was a baby the only thing that hurt was when his daddy and I would give him a bath to clean his belly button.

Umm. I'm screwed.

Transparent Moment--You don't have a disease, you're pregnant!

Today's Transparent Moment is written by Kenna. Kenna is the Mommy of 3; their adorable little boy, Brighton, and two angels in heaven, Bennett and a little sweet pea. Kenna is a Mommy that embodies grace, poise,  and is a true example of a wonderful mom. She and her husband have been through so much in the past couple of years, but their strength is astounding, admirable; their story is heart breaking. Thank you for sharing your heart Kenna! I think it's such a great, important reminder. You truly are remarkable!

"You don’t have a disease, you’re pregnant.”

My sweet husband had to remind me of this on an almost daily basis when we were pregnant with our first child, our little girl, Bennett. I’d respond, whining, “I know, but I’m so sick and so tired.” And he’d remind me of all the women that had been having babies for thousands of years. Well, I wasn’t those women; I’m me, and I am living now, not in the 1800’s when they were a lot tougher! He wasn’t trying to be unsympathetic, he was just trying to be real―trying to take some of the attitude out of my attitude, so maybe I wouldn’t focus on all the throwing up I was doing. I remember saying, “She better be cute!”
Then came the thirty week appointment. I was beginning to feel like after 210 days of throwing up, I was finally getting there! It would all be worth it once we met our little lady. But the unfathomable happened: at the end of the appointment, our doctor was unable to find a heartbeat. My world collapsed.  In the midst of all my complaining, I hadn’t stopped to realize: I was so deeply in love with my sweet little girl. She was my future. I’d have died for her. Guilt knocked me over like a tidal wave. In an instant, heartburn and puking became cherished memories, shared with a child I would only be privileged to hold once.

After that experience, the first time I heard a woman complain about her pregnancy, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I wanted to punch her, but I also so badly wanted her to know how lucky she was to still be pregnant, and how much I wanted to take her place. She should know my pain: then she’d know better than to complain. Immediately, I knew I couldn’t really wish this hole of despair on anyone, and a rush of guilt filled me. My husband gently reminded me that I didn’t have this unfair perspective before, either. How could she know?

Thankfully, we were able to get pregnant with Brighton ten weeks later. I remember beaming each time I ran to the toilet or lost it in the sink. "The baby’s growing!" I’d cry.  And I hardly noticed the pulled groin muscle that caused me to limp my entire pregnancy. Around seven months, our little guy sat on my ureter, causing a sharp pain in my back―like a kinked muscle―that lasted until Brighton was about a month old.  Instead of whining, I chuckled at his masterful movement. His movement was constant: and I praised him for his reassurance, no matter what time of day or night.

I am now so aware of women everywhere that don’t have the I-got-pregnant-the-month-we-started trying-and-posted-the-positive-test-on-Facebook-and-forty-weeks-later-had-a-perfect-vaginal-delivery- and-posted-the-healthy-baby-photos-on-my-Wall experiences.  Our stories are all different―there are women that lose more babies than they get to hold, or ones who try for years to conceive, feeling each month like they’ve had a loss when they start their period.

If you’re pregnant, were pregnant―or know someone that is―and do not have this perspective of loss, it is invaluable to be sensitive to those who are hyper-sensitive. And, please don’t take it for granted. Remember, to have a baby, without any complications, is truly a miracle!  Every day of nausea, every uncomfortable moment, is not an inconvenience, it is a gift. You were given life―allowed the incredible, indescribable chance to bring a child into the world. Not everyone gets to have this experience―even those who want nothing more or nothing else. Please be nothing but thankful.

Readers: Kenna's heart is transparent in this post. It's so difficult to lay your heart out there with such a tender topic. I hope you can see how deeply caring she is. She knows there is nothing they can do to bring their sweet little Bennett back, but hopes that they can use her life to help bring perspective to others, or a sensitivity to others tragedy. Thank you Kenna for sharing your heart. 

What do Hairspray and Toothpaste have in common?

If you have children, have ever watched children, or have even been around children, you know they have an innate ability to find mischief of any kind, especially if you have your back turned. Whether it's exploring how the world around them works, or a complete act of disobedience, the end result is the same. Kids are kids and if you have anything of value, or anything you would be upset to have destroyed...put it away for 18 years ;) And if you forget, thank you God for the Internet. 

Our oldest son decided when he was about the same age our younger son is now (2) that our computer monitor was a great place to practice his artwork...with a Sharpie. Imagine my husband's horror when he went upstairs to see what he was doing only to find his brand new, VERY expensive monitor covered in beautiful artwork. 

My husband, after having a mini panic session and trying not to get too mad since it was his fault to leave sharpies within reach of toddler hands, asked me to look up possible remedies on the Internet. Apparently TOOTHPASTE removes Sharpie if it's on a computer monitor. 

For those that want to know:

Put a drop of toothpaste over the sharpie on the monitor. Use a soft rag to softly rub it in one direction until it comes off. Gently wipe as much of the excess toothpaste off as you can. Use a screen cleaner to get the remaining toothpaste off. Voila. 

Fast forward two years and our younger son is now 2. He always gets to bring something special in to nap time to play with for a few minutes in his crib. One of us will go in after 5 or 10 minutes if he's still playing and take whatever it is away until after nap time. Usually he just goes to sleep clutching it or throws it out on his own because he loves binkie and nap time so much. However, yesterday was different. He wanted to finish writing his shopping list so he was allowed to bring his pen and notepad in to his crib to do so...

Who could get mad at this cute little face?

 It's amazing how much ink can get everywhere in 10 minutes. We're talking everywhere. E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.  So, we went to the internet. Apparently Hairspray works at getting ink stains out of clothes. I ran to the grocery store by our house last night because I certainly don't have any hair spray and was shocked (understatement) to find that a little bottle this size was SEVEN dollars?!?!?!

However, it worked at getting the ink out of my favorite sweatshirt of his and his quilt. It also worked at getting it out of 3/4 of the pants...in order to get the rest out I'll have to fork over more money for hairspray because I went through that little bottle. I should have paid the $12 to get the bigger size. Ugh. Trying to decide if it's worth it since I could just buy more pants for that price.

For those that want to know:
Spray hairspray on the ink stain. Let sit for 1 minute. Blot with a rag. Spray with stain remover. Throw in the wash. Don't dry until the stain is out. It might take several repetitions. 


What I want to know is who thinks of these things? I mean seriously. Who would have thought to themselves "I wonder if toothpaste will take off this permanent marker from my computer screen?" And to answer the original question; What do Hairspray and Toothpaste have in common? Two year olds.

Readers: What interesting things have you discovered as a result of your children, or yourself ;)

Transparent Moment--The dreaded will

There it sits.

Staring at me. Mocking me.

Is it that I'm lazy? No, that's definitely not it.

Is it that I don't have the time? That could be true, but time can always be made for such important things...especially when I'm not even writing many blog posts.

So why haven't we done a will, especially in the past 4 years of having kids?

For awhile we were able to use the excuse that it was too expensive to draw up a will. I mean who could afford thousands of dollars in lawyer fees to get a proper one done? As wonderful and needed as a will sounded, we just didn't have that kind of money.

Then, I found this at Costco...

You can buy one too here

Ugh. There goes that excuse. This one was on sale for $30.

Another excuse we've used is we'd like to have life insurance in place first but we don't have the extra $50/mo for that...yet someone we always manage to scrounge up enough for coffees and other luxuries. Not to mention, now that I have the software from Costco I could recreate the will when we finally do get life insurance.

So again, now that my excuses have been wiped away, I pose the question: Why haven't we done a will?

Truth: I am afraid of admitting what a will means. No, I am not afraid of dying. Rather, I am afraid of admitting that something could happen to my husband and I leaving our children. Alone.

Our children. The ones we would do anything for. The ones that we are neglecting with our negligence. Our children; the biggest part and only reason we have to do a will. The thought that we might not be the ones there for every moment of their lives makes my head hurt. Admitting that they may grow up not knowing their mommy and daddy makes my heart hurt. Tears fall at the thought. So instead, I've suppressed those thoughts and tuck the software in a back drawer far from mocking and even farther from sight.

And we've already done the hard part. We know if something happens to us our kids will be left in good hands. No, great hands. Hands that will love both of our boys as their very own. Hands that will firmly set boundaries, yet allow them to become unique in their own ways. Hands that will embrace their personalities and help them flourish. Hands that we love, adore, and respect deeply. Hands that will allow and encourage them to remember us if we're gone. Hands that will look out for their best interests, raise them with the same morals, and grow in a relationship with Christ. Hands, though not ours, that will be the next best thing.

God only You know our future. Please grant us peace and strength to complete this ever important task...for our children.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 'Philippeans 4:13'

Readers: It can be scary to admit we aren't the ones in control. We don't have control over when we live and when we die. It's been written in His book since He knit us in the womb...only God truly knows. But if we live each day in fear, think of all we'd miss out on! And yet, as I'm realizing, it's so important to make sure you have everything lined up for the 'just in case' times. Do you have your will complete? What did you use to complete it? Lawyer? Software? Something else entirely?