In the middle of my Preschool Series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow, I was presented with this article (thank you Christina!). Please read it and some of the comments that spawned from it (at the bottom of the article) and then continue on...
Have you ever witnessed your child dying?
He clung to my husband's neck, desperately, pleading with his eyes...Daddy, please help me breathe.
The very first time it happened we got the call the day we brought our younger son home from the hospital, 3 weeks shy of our oldest turning 2. "Kadyn is struggling to breathe. We think he might have put something up his nose that is now obstructing his airway. We're going to take him to Urgent Care (closer than the ER)."
My husband raced to the Urgent Care to meet them while I stayed home with our newborn son. After a series of tests determining there wasn't an object obstructing his breathing, yet having an O2 level of 61% and the inability to get a reading on my son's lungs, the Dr determined it must be pneumonia.
My husband called me with the news.
I was screaming in to the phone. NO! He isn't sick. He wasn't sick. It is NOT pneumonia. Despite my plea, they were prepping him for x-rays to determine the type and severety of pneumonia all the while wasting precious seconds of my son's life.
My little boy clung to my husband's neck, desperately, pleading with his eyes as if to say Daddy, please help me breathe. His breathing quick, shallow, and gasping all at the same time. His nose had ceased to function...there was no air coming or going. When he tried to talk, his voice was inrecognizable as his own. He limply lay in my husband's lap, his face ghost-like in whiteness, the normal exuberance g.o.n.e.
Fortunately (praise God!) he had a button up shirt on...the only reason x-ray tech asked my husband to take my son's shirt off. And what possibly could be what saved his life.
As soon as my son's shirt came off, my husband was clearly able to diagnose him himself. IT'S AN ALLERGIC REACTION! He screamed. The blistering hives covered his little body. In some parts it was so severe the lumps were purple, the size of raised quarters. How the Doctor missed this during intake is beyond me.
What happened next is all a blur of quick reaction and life-saving efforts.
Until that point we had no idea our son had a life threatening allergy to most tree nuts. We are so grateful it happened when it did and not out in the middle of nowhere camping; no medical support in sight. So grateful for the quick response of those caring for him to take him right to Urgent Care. So grateful that he had a button up shirt on. So grateful he's beginning to recognize his allergy for what it is, knows the seriousness of it, and understands that it's okay to be different. So grateful that foods are labeled as safe or unsafe so we can begin to teach him (someone had commented on Facebook the other day "I think it's ridiculous that things like rice need to be labeled with food allergies...it's rice." If you don't have to look for those labels in protection of life, you don't understand their importance.) So grateful that he's alive. And...
We are so grateful that we found a preschool that is willing to work with us on this.
I was saddened at reading this article, not only because it angered me at the parent's response to publically protest by picketing but also because I can understand how it seems extreme to parents that don't have to deal with life-threatening food allergies. To an extent I get both sides; really, I do.
What really gets me though, the entire purpose of the whole post I've written, is in regards to the comments after the article...all 31 pages of them. I was appalled at some of these comments that followed the article. APPALLED. To say that the child in this article must be homeschooled is absurd; just like all the references to "some parents can only afford to feed their kid peanut butter" not everyone can afford to live off of one income and homeschool their children. To say that this child should be kept in a bubble? How dare you. To say that I'm a bad parent for sending my child to such an unsafe environment and out of my protection? Who are you to judge. To say that it's ridiculous to rely on prayer? God is bigger than that. We are fully aware that the next time it happens he may have even less time, will require an epipen, and e.v.e.r.y second will count. But we're striving to do our best, give him the best, and teach love and acceptance of everyone. And we will continue to be prayerful the entire way.
Despite all of this, I will have grace and recognize that until someone has watched the early stages of death, they wouldn't, and couldn't understand.
Showing posts with label tree nut allergy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tree nut allergy. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow; Philosophies
Welcome to the series Choosing a Preschool; Nut Allergy in Tow. If you're just joining in, I encourage you start from the beginning to see what got me started in my preschool research. Then check out the introduction regarding what this series will cover. And finally, visit breaking down the things to think about section. Today I'm focusing on explaining different preschool approaches and philosophies. This was something that completely threw me. I had no idea there were so many different options out there. No, it really doesn't have anything to do with food allergies, just demystifying all the differences.
First you'll need to decide which approach you're looking for: a developmental preschool, an academic preschool, or a combination of the 2. Typically a philosophy will encompass one of these approaches.
Academic---Are you hoping your child will learn letters, numbers, begin to write, and read? If so, this is the type of preschool you'll want to focus on. An academic based preschool is very similar to a kindergarten class. Academic settings are much more structured.
Developmental---Are you hoping your child will get a chance to try a hand at art, creativity, dress up, play, outside time? Then this is the type of preschool for you.
Of course you can find a combination of the two.
There are many different preschool philosophies. Some of the most common:
Montessori---In a Montessori, the teachers serve more as guides. Typically, a lesson is introduced to the entire class, but then they break in to smaller groups to explore the lesson at the children's own pace. This philosophy is that children are individual learners and learn at their own pace. The children are encouraged to learn through all 5 senses. And the classes typically have 3-6 year olds all together so the older children help the younger children learn.This approach is great for children with special needs since they receive such individualized attention. Montessoris are very hands on and also teach children how to take care of their own needs and belongings. For more info go here
Reggio Emilia---Very similar to a Montessori in the fact that the children are the leaders and the teachers are the guides. Only, with this philosophy the teachers observe what the kids are interested in first and then guide them to take on projects that pursue their interests further. So instead of the "guides" coming up with the lesson plans, essentially the kids are. A lot of their philosophy also surrounds the environment. For more info go here
Waldorf---A Waldorf school's teaching philosophy is one that follows anthroposophy; the belief that in order to understand the world, the children must first understand humanity (body, soul and spirit). This philosophy also focuses on creative play (creating their own toys), routine (student often continue through grade school with the same teacher) and teamwork. The original founder believed children learn best through imitation. For more info go here
High/Scope---This is more of an academic approach. The focus on this preschool is academic skill development. For more info go here
Play-Based---Play-based preschools are just that; they focus on age-appropriate activities and teach kids through play. Typically different stations are set up encouraging different types of play (dress up, make believe, art, etc).
Religious---Preschools with a religious emphasis typically combine one of the above philosophies with age-appropriate religious teachings. If a religious component is important to you, make sure you familiarize yourself with the other philosophies and determine which you'd like to look for.
A combination---there are some preschools that combine some or all of the above.
Tomorrow we'll talk about touring preschools and the different types of questions to ask.
First you'll need to decide which approach you're looking for: a developmental preschool, an academic preschool, or a combination of the 2. Typically a philosophy will encompass one of these approaches.
Academic---Are you hoping your child will learn letters, numbers, begin to write, and read? If so, this is the type of preschool you'll want to focus on. An academic based preschool is very similar to a kindergarten class. Academic settings are much more structured.
Developmental---Are you hoping your child will get a chance to try a hand at art, creativity, dress up, play, outside time? Then this is the type of preschool for you.
Of course you can find a combination of the two.
There are many different preschool philosophies. Some of the most common:
Montessori---In a Montessori, the teachers serve more as guides. Typically, a lesson is introduced to the entire class, but then they break in to smaller groups to explore the lesson at the children's own pace. This philosophy is that children are individual learners and learn at their own pace. The children are encouraged to learn through all 5 senses. And the classes typically have 3-6 year olds all together so the older children help the younger children learn.This approach is great for children with special needs since they receive such individualized attention. Montessoris are very hands on and also teach children how to take care of their own needs and belongings. For more info go here
Reggio Emilia---Very similar to a Montessori in the fact that the children are the leaders and the teachers are the guides. Only, with this philosophy the teachers observe what the kids are interested in first and then guide them to take on projects that pursue their interests further. So instead of the "guides" coming up with the lesson plans, essentially the kids are. A lot of their philosophy also surrounds the environment. For more info go here
Waldorf---A Waldorf school's teaching philosophy is one that follows anthroposophy; the belief that in order to understand the world, the children must first understand humanity (body, soul and spirit). This philosophy also focuses on creative play (creating their own toys), routine (student often continue through grade school with the same teacher) and teamwork. The original founder believed children learn best through imitation. For more info go here
High/Scope---This is more of an academic approach. The focus on this preschool is academic skill development. For more info go here
Play-Based---Play-based preschools are just that; they focus on age-appropriate activities and teach kids through play. Typically different stations are set up encouraging different types of play (dress up, make believe, art, etc).
Religious---Preschools with a religious emphasis typically combine one of the above philosophies with age-appropriate religious teachings. If a religious component is important to you, make sure you familiarize yourself with the other philosophies and determine which you'd like to look for.
A combination---there are some preschools that combine some or all of the above.
Tomorrow we'll talk about touring preschools and the different types of questions to ask.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Preschool Series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow: breaking down things to think about
Welcome back to the series: Choosing a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow. If you're just joining us, I encourage you to visit the prelude and introduction. Today I'm breaking down some of the things I suggested you think about when choosing a preschool and explaining why these are important, especially if you have a child with a life threatening food allergy. You may think the first few items I suggested you think about yesterday seem to be no brainers, and it's true, a couple of the them are...
© Transparencies of Motherhood 2011
- Age---how old do you want your child to be upon entrance of preschool? Many preschools operate for children from 3 to 5 years old. Some operate for those as young as 2, but in my opinion this seems more like daycare. Some preschools break each age group out...so all the 3 year olds are together, all the 4 year olds are together, etc., while some preschools lump them all in one. Some are even more specific than that; they break them in to every 6 months so all the 3 year olds are together, all the 3 1/2 year olds are together, etc. I knew I wanted my son to have exposure to kids his same age (socialization was the main reason we opted to send him to preschool at 3 anyway) so either breaking it out by year or every 6 months was our top choice.
- Cost---how much can you afford to pay? This may narrow down your search simply based on how much is too much. Keep in mind that some preschools will offer a discount if you pay for the year in advance (another great reason to start thinking about preschool early...you can save!). Some preschools offer a multiple sibling discount, and others decrease the cost based on the number of days your child attends. Keep in mind too to look in to Flex Spending through the workplace! Or, write it off at tax time.
- Potty Training---Most preschools require your child is potty trained. However, the level of potty training and assistance varies. At the time we sent my son he was fully potty trained during the day. However, he needed help "cleaning up" if he needed to poo. To this day though, he chooses not to go at preschool.
- Parental Involvement---Some preschools require parents to spend a certain number of hours each month volunteering in the classroom. Others don't allow parent participation at all. And others still are actually groups of parents, called a co-op, that take turns teaching their kids a curriculum they agree on beforehand. So where do you fall? Fortunately, some don't require, but encourage parental involvement.
- Hours of Operation---what hours are you looking for? Do you work and you're trying to get specific hours covered? Are you trying to find something that runs all day, or does a half day better suite your needs? Does your child fare better in the afternoon or morning (some offer cheaper rates for afternoon but this doesn't work for everyone, especially if an afternoon rest or quiet time is still involved)? The question of what the hours of operation are is especially important if you have a child with a life threatening food allergy. Are you trying to aviod most meal times for allergy purposes? I knew I didn't want to have a place that served breakfast and lunch even though the hours would have been nice. I just didn't want to deal with that kind of exposure for my son. One of the places I toured even served peanut butter as a bi-weekly staple...and who knows what kind of cross-contamination their knives or even their jelly jars have from being double dipped!
- Location---How far are you willing to travel to bring your child to preschool? This was especially important to us as parents since we could receive the call "your son is having an allergic reaction." We wanted to be able to get there before an ambulance did if, heaven forbid, there was an emergency so we knew we didn't want a preschool across town.
© Transparencies of Motherhood 2011
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Searching for a Preschool, Nut Allergy in Tow--the prelude
Daddy: "Kadyn, you must have your mommy's genes."
Kadyn: "No, mommy has her own jeans, they wouldn't fit me. Mine are just right."
Of course, we knew the humor behind the dialog. However, it wasn't until after the conversation that I really stopped to think about what he said. Our eldest, Kadyn, in a way, was right...my genes won't fit him...his are just right. He is his own person, unique and wonderfully made. He may have our "genes" but he also has his own genes that fit perfectly.
According to the pediatrician, Kadyn, is the most severely allergic kid in the clinic right now...and it's a big clinic. Research is proving that allergies seem to be linked to your genes. Although his genes seem a bit too big for him, (anaphylaxis seems so severe for such a little boy), I have to remind myself that God created him. God's eyes saw Kadyn's unformed body. And all the days ordained for him were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). To God, Kadyn's genes have the perfect fit...nothing too big, nothing too small.
Now that Kadyn is 3 I would love to enroll him in a preschool (this was written several months ago and posted on my personal family blog). However, something is holding me back from sending him. Only in the past few days have I realized that it's because I'm scared to hand his life over to someone else...someone that I don't know, and don't trust. Questions flood my mind..."will he eat something he isn't supposed to have?" "Will the staff forget to read the labels on snack foods?" "Will the staff know how to properly administer an epipen?" "Will they know when to and not to give the epipen?" "Will another allergy present itself unknowingly?" (A few weeks ago he had another allergy scare...with walnuts...a nut we thought was on the "safe" list. He complained of his throat feeling funny, then threw up 3 times, then his face got puffy and his nose got so stuffy I couldn't even understand what he was trying to tell me when he spoke...scary.) It's frustrating as a parent knowing that these "genes" most probably came from me/us. However, as his jeans continue to get bigger, and he, older, I realize I need to keep things in perspective. God created him, God will protect him, God has a plan for him. That doesn't mean that I won't be prayerful the entire time, that doesn't mean that I won't ask 100 thousand questions of each preschool I interview to make sure I'm sending him to a safe one, but it does mean that it's time to let go. God is in control.
Kadyn, you are right, your genes are perfect little man. I thank God that he chose YOU for us and I can't wait to further watch as your "jeans" continue to grow.
Transparent Mommies--it can be hard to relinquish control to someone else, can't it? After all, our kids are our most cherished possessions. Whether your fear for your kids is allergies, shyness, a handicap, inability to hear, to see, or something else entirely, and whether your preschool is actually preschool, or daycare, or grade school, a new babysitter, high school...or college, it's important to acknowledge that your fear is real. It's your truth. It can be scary that first go around. It can be scary to even admit out loud. But go ahead...we're all about being transparent! What is your truth?
© Transparencies of Motherhood 2010
Kadyn: "No, mommy has her own jeans, they wouldn't fit me. Mine are just right."
Of course, we knew the humor behind the dialog. However, it wasn't until after the conversation that I really stopped to think about what he said. Our eldest, Kadyn, in a way, was right...my genes won't fit him...his are just right. He is his own person, unique and wonderfully made. He may have our "genes" but he also has his own genes that fit perfectly.
According to the pediatrician, Kadyn, is the most severely allergic kid in the clinic right now...and it's a big clinic. Research is proving that allergies seem to be linked to your genes. Although his genes seem a bit too big for him, (anaphylaxis seems so severe for such a little boy), I have to remind myself that God created him. God's eyes saw Kadyn's unformed body. And all the days ordained for him were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:16). To God, Kadyn's genes have the perfect fit...nothing too big, nothing too small.
Now that Kadyn is 3 I would love to enroll him in a preschool (this was written several months ago and posted on my personal family blog). However, something is holding me back from sending him. Only in the past few days have I realized that it's because I'm scared to hand his life over to someone else...someone that I don't know, and don't trust. Questions flood my mind..."will he eat something he isn't supposed to have?" "Will the staff forget to read the labels on snack foods?" "Will the staff know how to properly administer an epipen?" "Will they know when to and not to give the epipen?" "Will another allergy present itself unknowingly?" (A few weeks ago he had another allergy scare...with walnuts...a nut we thought was on the "safe" list. He complained of his throat feeling funny, then threw up 3 times, then his face got puffy and his nose got so stuffy I couldn't even understand what he was trying to tell me when he spoke...scary.) It's frustrating as a parent knowing that these "genes" most probably came from me/us. However, as his jeans continue to get bigger, and he, older, I realize I need to keep things in perspective. God created him, God will protect him, God has a plan for him. That doesn't mean that I won't be prayerful the entire time, that doesn't mean that I won't ask 100 thousand questions of each preschool I interview to make sure I'm sending him to a safe one, but it does mean that it's time to let go. God is in control.
Kadyn, you are right, your genes are perfect little man. I thank God that he chose YOU for us and I can't wait to further watch as your "jeans" continue to grow.
Trying on a pair of mommy's jeans
Transparent Mommies--it can be hard to relinquish control to someone else, can't it? After all, our kids are our most cherished possessions. Whether your fear for your kids is allergies, shyness, a handicap, inability to hear, to see, or something else entirely, and whether your preschool is actually preschool, or daycare, or grade school, a new babysitter, high school...or college, it's important to acknowledge that your fear is real. It's your truth. It can be scary that first go around. It can be scary to even admit out loud. But go ahead...we're all about being transparent! What is your truth?
© Transparencies of Motherhood 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Transparent Moment--Am I cut out for this?
Parenting is hard. Parenting is scary. Oftentimes you only read about the happy, joyous moments on a blog. Or you only see pictures of smiley kids. Don't get my wrong, the happy, joyous, smiley times far outweigh the hard times--if they didn't, I can't imagine so many people going through parenthood...and I certainly wouldn't be entertaining the thought of a 3rd baby. But in all honesty, it's days like today where I wonder if I'm cut out to be a parent. I mean really, truly.
There aren't instructions that can truly prepare you for birth, postpartum depression, food allergies, hospital visits. In fact, there really aren't instructions for any part of parenting. Sure, you can read all kinds of books with advice, tips, etc, but the fact of the matter is, every child is different. Every parent is different too. So, what works for one, may not work for another. I remember with my first son I read EVERY SINGLE book on sleep trying to get him to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. I never thought I would sleep again.
But for me, that pales in comparison to today. Today my son couldn't breathe. Literally. Spiders? Sure. Snakes? Absolutely. Other creepy, slithery things? BRING. IT. ON. Cockroaches? Okay, maybe I'm pushing my luck with that one, but you get the idea. We each have areas in parenting that really challenge us; that make us stop and wonder if we're really cut out for this. Chart topper for me? My son's inability to breathe.
Almost 2 years ago (the day I brought my youngest son home from the hospital!) we found out my eldest son is HIGHLY allergic to cashews, pistachios, and walnuts. He had an anaphylactic reaction to a bite, yes a BITE, of ONE cashew and ended up in the urgent care with an O2 level of 64 percent. Anyone knowing O2 levels knows that below a 90 percent is cause for considerable concern. We now carry an epi-pen everywhere we go. We have one in the car. We have one in the house. We have one in the diaper bag. We have one at each of the grandparent's houses. We have one at preschool. If I could, I would make sure the whole world had one just to protect this little guy...
One of the lovely side effects of the anaphylaxis is asthma. This is a new development for us. Now, every time he gets a cough and a stuffy nose it turns in to a big ordeal. It shuts his system down. We've gone in twice now for emergency oxygen after the inhaler has failed to provide relief. Today was one of those days. I laid awake all night listening to his labored breathing, thick, mucous filled cough, and sniffles. My husband and I took turns taking him in to the bathroom to try to get relief via a steamy shower. (Quite a picture I wish I had; my husband holding my son, both fully clothed in jammies, standing on the edge of the shower, bodies placed directly above the water to try to get as close to the steam as possible.) As I lay there I wanted to cry out...Where's my instruction manual damn it?! Nothing can prepare you. No book can describe the emotion. No book can make you feel the fear. No book can make your every fiber of being react in a split second. A book might describe it to you, but nothing can truly prepare you. The world stops, yet it spins faster and faster.
What was the scariest part of today was that if/when he has another anaphylactic reaction, it will be oh so much worse. To hold my son's life in an epipen is scary. To have everyone involved in his life know how to use one is expected. To hope everyone around me knows how to use one too? Unrealistic. Questions are always flooding my mind, wondering if I'm doing this parenting thing correctly. Fear is sometimes all consuming, hoping this doesn't attack him again, but knowing it will. It really isn't a question of if, rather, when.
What keeps me going? Knowing that God won't put more on my plate than He knows I can swallow. I just sometimes wish that plate wasn't so big...or that my bites might be a bit smaller.
Transparent moment for other mommies: What do you struggle with? What have you found that works? How can we support each other?
© Transparencies of Motherhood
There aren't instructions that can truly prepare you for birth, postpartum depression, food allergies, hospital visits. In fact, there really aren't instructions for any part of parenting. Sure, you can read all kinds of books with advice, tips, etc, but the fact of the matter is, every child is different. Every parent is different too. So, what works for one, may not work for another. I remember with my first son I read EVERY SINGLE book on sleep trying to get him to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. I never thought I would sleep again.
But for me, that pales in comparison to today. Today my son couldn't breathe. Literally. Spiders? Sure. Snakes? Absolutely. Other creepy, slithery things? BRING. IT. ON. Cockroaches? Okay, maybe I'm pushing my luck with that one, but you get the idea. We each have areas in parenting that really challenge us; that make us stop and wonder if we're really cut out for this. Chart topper for me? My son's inability to breathe.
Almost 2 years ago (the day I brought my youngest son home from the hospital!) we found out my eldest son is HIGHLY allergic to cashews, pistachios, and walnuts. He had an anaphylactic reaction to a bite, yes a BITE, of ONE cashew and ended up in the urgent care with an O2 level of 64 percent. Anyone knowing O2 levels knows that below a 90 percent is cause for considerable concern. We now carry an epi-pen everywhere we go. We have one in the car. We have one in the house. We have one in the diaper bag. We have one at each of the grandparent's houses. We have one at preschool. If I could, I would make sure the whole world had one just to protect this little guy...
One of the lovely side effects of the anaphylaxis is asthma. This is a new development for us. Now, every time he gets a cough and a stuffy nose it turns in to a big ordeal. It shuts his system down. We've gone in twice now for emergency oxygen after the inhaler has failed to provide relief. Today was one of those days. I laid awake all night listening to his labored breathing, thick, mucous filled cough, and sniffles. My husband and I took turns taking him in to the bathroom to try to get relief via a steamy shower. (Quite a picture I wish I had; my husband holding my son, both fully clothed in jammies, standing on the edge of the shower, bodies placed directly above the water to try to get as close to the steam as possible.) As I lay there I wanted to cry out...Where's my instruction manual damn it?! Nothing can prepare you. No book can describe the emotion. No book can make you feel the fear. No book can make your every fiber of being react in a split second. A book might describe it to you, but nothing can truly prepare you. The world stops, yet it spins faster and faster.
What was the scariest part of today was that if/when he has another anaphylactic reaction, it will be oh so much worse. To hold my son's life in an epipen is scary. To have everyone involved in his life know how to use one is expected. To hope everyone around me knows how to use one too? Unrealistic. Questions are always flooding my mind, wondering if I'm doing this parenting thing correctly. Fear is sometimes all consuming, hoping this doesn't attack him again, but knowing it will. It really isn't a question of if, rather, when.
What keeps me going? Knowing that God won't put more on my plate than He knows I can swallow. I just sometimes wish that plate wasn't so big...or that my bites might be a bit smaller.
Transparent moment for other mommies: What do you struggle with? What have you found that works? How can we support each other?
© Transparencies of Motherhood
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