Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Transparent Moment--The dreaded will

There it sits.

Staring at me. Mocking me.

Is it that I'm lazy? No, that's definitely not it.

Is it that I don't have the time? That could be true, but time can always be made for such important things...especially when I'm not even writing many blog posts.

So why haven't we done a will, especially in the past 4 years of having kids?

For awhile we were able to use the excuse that it was too expensive to draw up a will. I mean who could afford thousands of dollars in lawyer fees to get a proper one done? As wonderful and needed as a will sounded, we just didn't have that kind of money.

Then, I found this at Costco...
You can buy one too here
Ugh. There goes that excuse. This one was on sale for $30.

Another excuse we've used is we'd like to have life insurance in place first but we don't have the extra $50/mo for that...yet someone we always manage to scrounge up enough for coffees and other luxuries. Not to mention, now that I have the software from Costco I could recreate the will when we finally do get life insurance.

So again, now that my excuses have been wiped away, I pose the question: Why haven't we done a will?

Truth: I am afraid of admitting what a will means. No, I am not afraid of dying. Rather, I am afraid of admitting that something could happen to my husband and I leaving our children. Alone.

Our children. The ones we would do anything for. The ones that we are neglecting with our negligence. Our children; the biggest part and only reason we have to do a will. The thought that we might not be the ones there for every moment of their lives makes my head hurt. Admitting that they may grow up not knowing their mommy and daddy makes my heart hurt. Tears fall at the thought. So instead, I've suppressed those thoughts and tuck the software in a back drawer far from mocking and even farther from sight.

And we've already done the hard part. We know if something happens to us our kids will be left in good hands. No, great hands. Hands that will love both of our boys as their very own. Hands that will firmly set boundaries, yet allow them to become unique in their own ways. Hands that will embrace their personalities and help them flourish. Hands that we love, adore, and respect deeply. Hands that will allow and encourage them to remember us if we're gone. Hands that will look out for their best interests, raise them with the same morals, and grow in a relationship with Christ. Hands, though not ours, that will be the next best thing.

God only You know our future. Please grant us peace and strength to complete this ever important task...for our children.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 'Philippeans 4:13'

Readers: It can be scary to admit we aren't the ones in control. We don't have control over when we live and when we die. It's been written in His book since He knit us in the womb...only God truly knows. But if we live each day in fear, think of all we'd miss out on! And yet, as I'm realizing, it's so important to make sure you have everything lined up for the 'just in case' times. Do you have your will complete? What did you use to complete it? Lawyer? Software? Something else entirely?


  1. We don't have ours done yet either, and I feel the same exact way....I am ashamed of myself for not having it done yet. When my dad passed away, we had revised his will numerous times, because we would always learn something new or loopholes in the system. I learned alot from it, and most importantly - going to go see a lawyer is the best thing you can do, I highly recommend doing that instead of the software :)

  2. We did our will, with a lawyer, and it was nowhere near "thousands" of dollars.

    Doing a will is only a little bit for your children. It is a LOT for the adults who are left to clean up the pieces. It is for the adults who KNOW what your wishes are, but have to go to court and through other processes to battle the system to get what you wanted. It is for the adults who will have so very much to do already, their hands newly full and their hearts heavily grieving -- you are taking one more headache, one more legality to deal with, off of their too-full plate.

    Do the will. Seriously. Do it instead of blogging. A bit harsh, I know. You know (I hope) that I care deeply about you and your family, Greta. Suck it up, do the will, scratch it off your list, and then free your mind to more pleasurable things.

  3. In my early years as a social worker, I worked with a terminally ill woman who desperately wanted the government out of her life. The requirement? Do a will. And she wouldn't do it even though everyone KNEW she was going to die soon. Her pain at the thought of dying wouldn't let her make a plan for her kids even though she hated what the State had said they would do if she didn't. (The state couldn't approve who she wanted the kids to go to, so if she didn't have a will making it unnecessary for the state to become involved and hence approve/disapprove, the kids would have to go with strangers.) This taught me a lot!

    We had our hardest time selecting our guardians. As a two religion household, we had to think long and hard about who would truly honor both faiths, rather than simply celebrating the other holiday's gift giving days. We thought of who would make sure our daughter would have contact with ALL of her relatives. Who would raise her to be the strong woman we hope her to become.

    It's tough, but leaving it to others in a time of crisis most likely means your priorities won't be considered.

  4. not a fun thing to think about at all... but a great thing to be done! way to be a million steps ahead of most people our age... most people don't have wills until they are much much later in life!!

    reminds me to do ours now that we have little miss ;)

  5. Ugh... your post was all too familiar to me. We've gotten life insurance, we know who Georgia will go to in case of tragedy, but why haven't we written it down? We keeping making the excuse that it's because we're not done having kids and we don't want to have to redo it when we have another, but the real excuse is fear of thinking about Georgia's life without us in it. Like you said, it's a terrifying thought when all you want to do is see them grow up as happy and healthy as possible.

  6. It's definitely a hard pill to swallow. Even the thought of one of us not being around to help raise our lil guy or to spend our lives with is terrifying to me so I totally understand where you're coming from. But ultimately it's about ensuring that if "God forbid" during a really tough time, our loved ones are taken care of. Btw - thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving such kind notes :)

  7. We also put this off for a long time, both things actually. A couple years ago, a friend of my husband's who had kids the same ages as ours was killed when he stopped to help someone who had been in a car accident. It shook Matt up so much that he made sure we did our will and got life insurance. So so hard. Goodness! That and my lawyer father wouldn't let me put it off anymore either :)

  8. I'm sad to say we haven't made a will yet either. We said we would get it done before our first baby arrived... here we are 15 months later with another on the way and still no will. It's hard to make those decisions though - about the kids & money, and trying to avoid hurt feelings and feeling good with the choices we make. Being a grown up sucks sometimes.

  9. I think that often peoples fear keeps them from doing things that are very important. It is hard to deal with some of the things that come with being a parent, but it must get done. I hope you are well! Have a great day!

    Mama Hen

  10. hmmm, yes... this is also on our to-do list. but it's buried under more "urgent" project.... thanks for the reminder for something that's actually very important! :/

  11. A will? I haven't even considered the idea. We do have life insurance and we actually JUST renewed it and named our daughter as our beneficiary on both. It is about $42 a month and money we don't really have, but worth it "just in case". I feel happy to have this and not worry about a will until we maybe have a little more to put in that will.

    P.S. Life insurance goes way up if you get it after you're 30. Get locked in now.

  12. I haven't considered a will either although we do have life insurance. I probably haven't thought of it for the same reasons you don't want to fill it out. Who wants to even consider the fact that our time might end before our children are raised? Just thinking about it sends a shiver up my spine. Good luck. Your my motivation to look into this further.

  13. greta, this was a great reminder! i have a lot of the same feelings as you, but really need to get this done.

  14. This is a great post Greta! We did buy life insurance after Huddy was born. We don't have a will but I'm not as worried in Washington b/c we have that common law property where it goes to our spouse. I know Oregon is different after my dear friends dad died suddenly at 55 without a will. It was bad, real bad. You'll have to let me know how that program goes!